Rolling off the Fatherâs Day celebrations last week, a thought came to mind. I am a girl mom, yes. I am also an auntie to some handsome little boys. And an ex-preschool teacher, who studied the principles of Montessori, as well as the Reggio Emilia approach. Plus, a long time ago I happened to be a kid myself. So I like to think I know what Iâm talking about when it comes to children and play.
On the discussion of girl marketed toys, vs boy aimed toys...I could sit here and preach to you about feminism and all that, but I donât want to come at this topic from that all to familiar (and letâs face it- sometimes annoying) angle. I want to present it to you, a different way.
This idea I want to express today is not necessarily a unique or revolutionary idea. Anyone whoâs been blessed with common sense, has raised children or shared a living space with someone of the opposite sex, should be able to pick up what Iâm setting out to put down.
So, here we go.
Recently, I made my daughters first birthday wish list on Amazon so that her family and loved ones knew what they could get for her birthday, if they chose to spend their hard earned money on a gift. After a final swipe through I noticed that there arenât many toys on the list that traditionally scream âGIRL!!!!!â. In fact, had I birthed a son last year, I dare say the list would look pretty much the same.
Donât get me wrong, Iâm not against exploring the feminine side of things or wearing a cute floral print. I can throw on heels, a dress and some lipstick and love it. And I secretly hope that my daughter wants to at least occasionally as well so we can dress up together. BUT, if she doesnât, I wonât be heartbroken. Weâll just dress up as superheroes instead. Or teenage mutant ninja turtles...or whatever is cool nowadays.
But not anyone from Paw Patrol.
No Paw Patrol.
No.
Anyway, looking at this list of potential gifts; I see the Baby University books which Iâve been eyeing forever. (Low key, for myself.) I see this really cool new books series about a kid raising a dragon and teaching him manners and emotional control. I see gross motor toys to promote body movement, and fine motor toys to further develop hand-eye coordination. I see wooden food & toy metal pots for the play kitchen Papa Bear & I are planning on making for her. (Shhh! Itâs a surprise. Donât tell her.) I see a train track set. And, I see a baby doll.
Now, as you recall, I said above that none of her toys screamed âGIRLâ at me in the traditional sense. Thereâs nothing overly pink or frilly. Nothing that one of her boy cousins might avoid playing with. Despite the fact that itâs almost impossible to find a baby doll thatâs of the male gender. Kids, by the way donât care about gender roles until they are taught about girl toys vs. boy toys. I do not believe that a baby doll is a girl toy. Despite the fact that all advertisements and packaging are geared towards tiny female humans.
A few weeks ago, we went to Toyâs R Us to look for a little trike for Baby Bear and pick up some balls. She absolutely LOVES playing with balls. I swear, it is her number one favourite toy. I knew that I wanted to get her a baby doll for her birthday, so I went to scope out my options. Of course, the toys were heavily segregated. Board games, Lego, action figures and the like weâre all the right side of the store. And to the left was a heavily pink, sparkly and GIRL!!! screaming set up. This is the section where I found hair bows and Barbies, play food, robotic dogs and...baby dolls.
Out of the two shelves of baby dolls, I saw maybe one doll that could pass as a male baby doll. The rest were all so girly. I mean, in an over the top sense. I also wanted to get her a doll that had a slightly darker skin than pure caucasian white...but it was clear that I had two choices. There were beautiful cream coloured babies and beautiful ebony babies, but there was nothing in between. No Asian babies either, for the record.
When our children play, it is important to expose them to new things and experiences. Itâs also important to have them see themselves in the world around them. It helps them feel more connected. I really like the inclusivity of the American Girl Dolls for their array of skin and hair colour options. Not to mention the awesome accessories. I just canât bite the bullet on that price tag. Not for a one year old that still puts everything in her mouth anyway.
Why do I think dolls are not just for girls?
Iâm so glad you asked.
* rubs hands together in wicked excitement *
Because men (not all men, but a great majority of men) become dadâs. And as a dad, you are typically asked to hold and care for a baby. Right?
We are doing the little boys in our lives a huge injustice by marketing baby dolls only to little girls. Weâre also doing little girls a huge injustice, but Iâll get to that in a minute.
First, letâs talk about play. Why do we encourage our children to play? Well to entertain them, certainly. But mostly because it teaches them important life skills. For example, we buy blocks for infants and toddlers even though they have no comprehension of building, construction or architecture. But building them tower after tower for them to knock down is a developmental milestone. An infant right of passage, of sorts. Yet, we have no idea if our littles are going to grow up and design, build, decorate a skyscraper.
Or become a doctor, or a chef or a bus driver, or...you get the picture. We donât know what or who they will end up becoming. All we know for sure, is that as parents it is our job to encourage their imaginations and inspire practical life skills. Such as cleaning, cooking, taking care of themselves and others. At young ages, the best way to do this is through play.
There are play kitchens and utensils and toy food (plastic, wooden, felt) for open ended imaginative play. From cookie decorating to pizza making and waffle baking, the options are endless to cultivate a passion for cooking. Something every human needs to learn how to do, no matter if they are male or female. There are dump truck toys and train sets, puzzles of various vehicles to encourage knowledge of transportation and community service workers. Every toy we give our children is meant to entertain and teach. To help them explore their potential futures.
Baby Bear is getting a doll for her birthday because she has shown interest in the real life babies sheâs met over the course of the last few months. She so desperately wants to hold and love them. We try to explain that she canât hold the brand new babies because she is still a baby herself, but she doesnât care. She knows what she wants. If we are out and about at a coffee shop or a movie theatre, and she hears a baby crying, she wriggles out of arms to go and investigate. She wants to know if the baby is okay. She wants to help. I wonder if she will be a mother herself one day, or just a bad ass auntie. Sheâs so sweet with her stuffies, hugging and kissing them. No matter what she becomes, I know at least she will be kind and loving.
As a preschool teacher, I saw some kids struggle with the gender stereotypes instilled in them by adults. Little boys who made fun of other boys who dressed up as princesses. Or girls who dressed up as Darth Vader. The boys were naturally drawn to the trucks and blocks, itâs true. While the girls commonly headed for the play house, barbieâs and puzzles area. But there was a lot of crossover too.
I remember one little boy who absolutely loved playing in house. Preparing food and role playing as various members of a made up family with the other kids. When we asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he always said âA Daddy!â.
This is exactly why little boys SHOULD have a baby doll.
There is also the fact of becoming a big brother, that Iâd like to mention briefly. Obviously I donât have a son, and I wonât be having a second child to implement a practice like this. But if I were, I think a doll would be a wonderful tool to prepare a child for a new sibling.
A few days after my daughter was born, her aunts and uncles came over to meet her. Her one uncle nervously fumbled to hold her; explaining that heâd never gotten to hold a baby before. It was a sweet moment seeing them together. It also made me feel a little sad for my brother in law. I know many men that adore children. That want to be fatherâs one day. Or at least kick ass uncles. (My daughter is very lucky to have some amazing male role models in her life.)
And yet, men are not traditionally invited to baby showers. Not even the fatherâs of said babies that are being celebrated. Why?
Because generations ago, new life was considered only to be interesting by women. Donât get me started on how past generations didnât allow the father into the delivery room because he would âbe a distractionâ or âget in the wayâ. When babies are born, men commonly arenât invited to come to visit at the hospital or if they are, they tend to stand back. Stay away. They are afraid of their own strength maybe? Iâve heard many male friends of ours refuse to even go near Belle until she is older. Thatâs their choice of course, but I wonder why it is.
Men are one half of the worlds population. They are needed to make these beautiful children. We need to give them more credit. We need to give them more time with littles. And preparing them for that, starts when they themselves are little. As humans we are only afraid of three things. Pain, death and the unknown. For many adult males; babies are one of those unknown things.
I say with 100% confidence that if Iâd been blessed with a son, I would still be looking at purchasing a baby doll for his first birthday. As well as a dollhouse. After all, dollhouses are an excellent miniature example of open ended, real world play. Boys grow up into men who live in a home of some kind, right?
As far as my Baby Bear is concerned, I hope for her future, that the man she marries (if she marries a man, of course) played with dolls, had exposure to open ended love and care play as a child. I hope this, because I want her to have a partner that knows parenting is a partnership. That knows being a father is just as important as being a mother. That he has responsibilities around the home as well. And that not everything is on my daughters shoulders.
Support your sons as they become young men, and ultimately the future generations. How we raise our littles will impact every generation to come. No pressure, right?
Bottom line: Itâs 2019. Almost 2020, actually. Get your son a damn doll.
And while youâre at it, get him a play kitchen too.
- Mama Bear đ»