A Letter to my Little One
How is it already your second birthday? Honestly, where did the time go? I know mothers warn you about cherishing every moment and taking everything in but I feel like I was holding you for the very first time only a week ago. Actually, as I write this, today was your original due date (or guess date as we loving called it) and I remember thinking that today would be a wonderful day for your Birthday.
I look back at these past two years fondly and full of overwhelming love. I feel as though I have lived a life time with you, yet at the same time the moments seem so fleeting. We have prayed for you, we waited patiently for you and in the end, we are eternally grateful that your soul has chosen us to be your parents. We have watched you grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There is definitely a fire within your soul baby girl, don’t let anyone snuff it out.
You have grown past those tiny little onesies and have moved into clothing that requires reinforcements to keep up with your constant playing. Those late night snuggles with you fitting right in my arm are long gone, and will be greatly missed. But they have been replaced with morning snuggles with daddy where we get to hear you say “I love you” and your giggles echo off the walls as we get to play as a family. We have watched you fall, get hurt and get back up again. We have had hospital trips, road trips and vacation trips. We have given you a million kisses by now… maybe even more. We have watched you laugh so hard you cry. We have watched you take your first crawls, your first steps, your first words and sentences. We have held your hand and wiped away your tears. We have watched as you have poured your love onto so many other people, Family, strangers, other children it doesn’t matter you love everyone regardless of their color and I have watched you show great patience and love to those who need special care. You not only have a fire in your soul but your empathy goes beyond what I could have ever imagined.
I can not imagine what it must be like to have the kind of love you have for other people. You want to help SO much, with everything. Taking out the garbage, brushing the cat, vacuuming, feeding the pets, doing up your own buckles and putting on your own shoes. You are determined and persevering. There is no doubt in my mind that you are going to grow up to become such an independent woman with a love for others. You really are a special soul and it has been the greatest privilege to have been able to be your parents in these past two years.
This day, your birthday has always brought me sadness. Specifically, for the past 14 years it has been a reminder of the loss of such an important man in my life. A man I called Dad, and while you unfortunately will never meet him, I know that you were born on this exact day for a reason. I spent 12 years mourning this day, and for the past 2 years I have had the honor of celebrated it instead. I believe you bring light where ever you go, and you started that the day you were born.
Oh, how I wish I could stop time and revisit all the little moments, those small insignificant moments that brought me pure joy. Just watching your face smile for the first time or light up as you wake up in my arms and look up to see your mommy. All the times I have ran my hand across your forehead, baby girl I wish you knew how deeply we love you. Words literally can not hold the true power and meaning of our love. I wish I could capture each laugh in a highlight real that I could play back when ever I have a hard day. There is nothing more precious than the moments at home where you are doing something silly and I hear your Dad burst out laughing with the words “you have to come see your kid”. You are a bucket of laughs kid.
Even on the hard days, which we have more frequently than I ever thought before becoming a mother, we still make it through and I am still grateful for the chance to teach you and learn from you as well. Because you teach me more about patience than anything or anyone else ever has. You have taught me how to be in control of my emotions instead of letting them control me. You have taught me to stop and ask “what is that!!” while just simply going for a walk. You have taught me so many things by being such a mimic and mirroring what I do. It is such an eye opener to see what I need to change as I watch you copy me.
While today will always be a day that we celebrate YOU, I want you to know why. You made me a Mother. You made your dad a Father. We can never thank you enough for that gift. We prayed for you when we didn’t know if we would ever meet you. Our hearts would melt… and then sink when ever we saw a little baby. We wanted to meet you so bad that we built a room for you even before the Doctors told us we could start trying for you. We have thought about you, imagined what our life would be like with you all before we ever met you. Your father kissed my belly one day and said “One day there will be a baby in there”. We celebrate YOU today because you have given us the greatest gift. We will ALWAYS be your parents, we will embarrass you and laugh with you, and probably piss you off, but we will always love you. No matter who you become, or the struggles you go through there will always be HOME and there will always be LOVE.
I am not sure what this next year is going to bring for us, as a family, as parents, but I do know that there will be love. There will be hard times and tears and frustration, but there will always be love. I already miss the infant sized you, but I never want to miss those times so much that I miss enjoying todays moments. Like today you were determined to help me take out the recycling, you took the whole bag and walked it down the hallway by yourself. You got up on the bed all by yourself without your stool and you were SO proud. I never want to miss the moments where you play peek a boo or whisper from your car seat “1,2, 3, 2, 1 ready or not here I come!”. You are growing every day and as much as I wish I could just hold onto the moments that are falling through my hands like sand, I am grateful that I get to experience them.
My little Moon Child, you have been such a blessing to everyone around you… but please don’t turn into a Sass-hole after the inevitable sugar high from birthday cake. 🤦♀️
With all our love we wish you the greatest 2nd Birthday, surrounded by people who love you more than you know. 💕
Love Mommy aka Mama Wolff
Xoxo