3: Heal Your Soul (Spiritual, Social and Lifestyle Wellness)
WEEK THREE!!
We’re almost done. Last week may have gotten a little heavy for you...but please remember that change and growth rarely come without at least a bit of discomfort. This week we’re going to get in touch with our souls.
We’re going to explore your personal spirituality and perhaps reach a deeper understanding of what you believe, and why you believe it. We’re also going to be looking at our Social circle. The friends and family and acquaintances that we welcome into our life. The people we allow to mould us into who we are. Lastly we are going to be sliding our lifestyle under the microscope and poking around into our habits, our goals, and our purpose. It’s going to be a little work, but mostly a lot of fun!
Let’s go!!
Spirituality
Spirituality can mean something different to each individual person. For my husband, he gets spiritual in the mountains. With his bare feet in a clear crystal lake surrounded by nature. I’ve seen it. The same type of peace and serenity that washes over the face of someone being touched by the word of God.
I remember being a little girl, sitting in church and watching a woman listening to a sermon with her eyes closed. She had a beautiful face, her skin wrinkled by time and the lessons years taught her. She had her face tilted towards the roof. Towards God. And she sat there, receiving a message she needed to hear. It is the same look on my husbands face in the mountains.
And it’s the same look on my face as I sit quietly with myself, sometimes my tarot cards at my side with the flame from a candle flickering. I’ll have selenite and quartz in one hand, amethyst or tourmaline in the other. The scent of sage or sweetgrass wrapping around me like a warm, cleansing hug. And I will feel connected and at peace.
See, spirituality is not religion. It is understanding that we are all connected. That we are part of something bigger then ourselves. It is the comfort that we are not alone in this world. It is peace. When I look up at the moon, or get answers from a book about what I should do when I’m troubled, I feel peace. When my husband turns the corner and enters Jasper, I can visibly see the peace wash over him. It’s the same peace that woman in church felt when I was a little girl.
Whether you look up the Lord, and down at your bible. Whether you look up to the endless sky, while grounding your toes as they dig into the earth. Or up to the moon, then down into your own own hands...you are spiritual.
Religion can be an aspect of your spiritual journey, but it is not the only one. Spirituality is in you. It is the part of your soul that is driven not by ego or fear. But rather by the deepest desires of your heart. It’s inner peace- which is not as unattainable as you may think.
Spirituality is the act of contemplating. Really thinking actions and behaviour through. It’s understanding why people do what they do. It’s having a knowledge and (striving to) understanding of how the world works, and your role in it.
A huge part of being spiritual is also discovering your purpose on earth. Why you were born. What you are meant to do before your time on earth has come to an end. Purpose is the fuel that gets you out of bed every morning. It helps you make decisions, it is the voice behind your motivations, behaviours and goals.
For myself, my purpose was always going to be love. Spreading, sharing, capturing and creating love. Through writing, photography, my relationships and motherhood. I strive to have love fuel my actions and my words. But it took just about 28 years to figure that out and what it all meant and why. Before my daughter was born I was very much like a chicken with its head cut off. I remember my best friend asking me if I thought that I would feel more grounded once my daughter was born. She was absolutely right. The moment my baby was earth side and I heard that little voice, I knew my life truly had purpose.
If you have not yet found your purpose, listen to what your heart is telling you. For some, it may be easy. From a young age, a person may know that their purpose on earth is to be a healer (for example). And so they become a doctor or a veterinarian, or a speaker of some kind. For others, you may have to do a little digging, but once you uncover it, you will begin to see everything in the world around you make more sense.
Purpose in life and striving for connection through spirituality will encourage you to live with integrity. Through open mind contemplation and keeping an open heart, you will reach understanding about your place in the universe. You will see who you are inside, what you are meant to do and why you were blessed with life.
Until you uncover your true personal purpose, here’s a good place to start.
Show love. Be kind. (To yourself. To others. To the your home and the planet.)
Be connected. (To yourself. To a higher power of your choosing, be it God, fate, the Universe, the Circle of Life, etc)
Do your best in your current season of life. Because the only thing you have 100% control over is your attitude and your effort.
No matter what church you find yourself in or outside of, that is the underlying message God/Mother Nature/The Universe is trying to tell you. The rest is all window dressing and personal interpretation.
Social
“You are the average of the five people you associate with most, so do not underestimate the effects of your pessimistic, unambitious, or disorganized friends. If someone isn’t making you stronger, they’re making you weaker.” - Tim Ferriss
Harsh words, but true. This quote really struck me when I heard it a few years ago. And time after time when I have examined my life and the people in it, I have seen it proven again and again. For better or for worse, the information and influences we consume make up parts of who we are.
Social Wellness centres on the interactions you have within relationships. Family members, friendships, work colleagues, neighbours, etc. It’s about the way you behave, the boundaries and expectations you have for others, and being conscious about who you allow to impact your life.
Real Life Example:
Once upon a time I worked somewhere that had heavy ‘mean girl’ vibes. There was backstabbing. Gossiping. Straight up lies being told. Fake friendships. Not just within the employees but also upper management so nowhere was safe. It was ridiculous. You never knew what to trust or who to believe. It was one of the most stressful times of my life and I was incredibly happy to be away from it once I was able to move on. Of course the next job wasn’t much better as it was a similar scenario once again, only this time with a much smaller group.
FYI: less people does not always equal less drama...
I noticed a change within me. A change I did not like. I had become someone who I was not very proud to be. After years and years surrounded by people who were untrustworthy, I was turning into one of them. And I was very depressed about it. Both to see myself that way, and to be around it on a constant daily basis. I would have panic attacks every morning in the car, knowing that I would be enduring 8 hours of stress.
I am so thankful that I am out of those situations now. That I have cleared my life (for the most part) of people like that. Of those mirrored behaviours within myself. Old habits can die hard, and sometimes I feel the mean girl version of me slip out. Particularly when I am around certain female friends. Incredible women, but women who gossip. Most likely because of the people that they spend the majority of their time with...
Side note to any person reading this that behaves this way within their friend group or at work. STOP. Stop gossiping. Stop talking behind people’s back. Just...stop. It is hard enough to be a human being in this world. We should be supportive brothers and sisters. Not backstabbing bitches.
The people around us can also be incredible motivators and inspirations. I have a treasured few mom friends who I really look up to. I admire their parenting style, their patience and their drive. And it inspires me. We don’t compete with each other for the title of ‘World’s Best Mom’. ( You know you can just go buy one of those mugs right? ) We support and guide each other when we can and it’s really beautiful to see us band together even when we do things differently.
Social Wellness involves an intentional focus on creating a support system for yourself. People you can rely on, and being someone that people can trust in return. Recently this summer, my PTSD was triggered and I had a breakdown. As I sobbed on the kitchen floor and my infant daughter comforted me, I tried to think of someone I could call. Someone I could explain how I was feeling, someone who could tell me that I was alright. I have many amazing friends, but not any that would have understood what I was going through. That experience really taught me that not only do we need friends that teach us diversity and acceptance, but cultivating friendships with people who ‘get’ us, is also very important.
When taking stock of the relationships in your life, think of the activities you enjoy with the people you love.
Are they rewarding and positive behaviours?
Are you out partying every weekend?
Are you spending too much money trying to keep up with their shopping habits?
Are you feeling supported and empowered when you converse with them?
Are you supporting and empowering them when they share their thoughts and feelings with you?
Social Wellness is important because it puts your connection with others under a microscope. Now is the time to examine what ripples you create in the world. The impact you will leave behind. Not just by your actions but by the ones you inspire in others.
Imagine here, with me for a moment. A friend comes to you and explains that he wants to go on a relief mission to the rainforest and help plant new trees following a devastating fire. This friend really values your opinion, and when you do not take their idea seriously it effects their confidence and they do not go. Now not only is your friend hurting, but there are a few less trees in the world. You’ve impacted someone you love AND the environment in negative ways.
BUT, say you support them. Say you offer to drive them to the airport. Water their plants while they are gone. Hold their hand while they get all the shots they need to go to the wild jungle. Or just simply said; “You know what? That’s sounds amazing. I think you should go for it!” Your friend feels confident and excited and supported and loved. They know how to support you, and others now by following your example. The world is a better place for it. And that is part of being in any type of relationship is all about. Mutual growth and guidance.
Communicate your needs and desires effectively with those around you. If you have done a good job at cultivating good people around you, they will prove it. If a few bad apples slipped through the cracks, decide whether or not to salvage the relationship.
Listen with an open mind when loved ones come to you. Keep judgments to yourself. Put yourself in their shoes. Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are about to say is being said with love. We should not coddle our friends and simply tell them what they want to hear, but if we must be blunt and honest with them about something ensure you are doing so with love and kindness.
Treat others the way you want to be treated.
( And accept nothing less from those around you then you deserve. )
Lifestyle
Are you living the way you’ve always wanted to live? Do you feel in control of your future?How would your life improve if you had a hand in designing your schedule?
Like a friend and I discussed earlier, not everyone in the world can be an entrepreneur. Someone still needs to work at Starbucks and McDonalds. Someone still needs to put the produce on the shelves for us to buy. We need nurses and doctors, janitors and those really cool window washers that dress up like Spider-Man to make kids who are in the hospital smile. We absolutely need good old fashioned, every day people. BUT having a classical, practical job, does not mean you cannot live your life ideally. Lifestyle isn’t about private plans, multiple cars and 24 carat gold sinks. Not for the majority of us that live in the real world.
It comes down to perspective and living with intention. To working in harmony with your purpose in the way that best serves your current season of life. Lifestyle is knowing your values, true motivations, abilities and needs.
It is self awareness, by being honest with yourself regarding your habits and how you consistently focus time, energy and available finances. Including how you work, have fun, learn, reenergize, socialize. It’s how you generally engage with life on a day to day basis.
Lifestyle is having a clear life path because you know unclear paths leads to de-motivation and wasted precious days. Days spent wishing and dreaming and hoping, when instead you could be doing.
So...how do we change our lifestyles if we aren’t currently happy where we are? I’ve got two words for you: Life Design. That is the process of becoming your best self, and creating a lifestyle that is tailored to your preferences, passions, and dreams. Everything around you, everything you use has been designed with art (heart) and science (practicality) at the helm. The device you are using to read this, the object you are sitting on, the room of the building you are currently in. It’s all been designed. Even you were designed inside a womb.
So why leave your lifestyle to chance?
The comforting and yet terrifying truth is that the only thing truly standing in your way at the end of the day, is you. Bottom line, no matter what your circumstances are- YOU are in control. If there is something you don’t like about your job, for example. Change it. If there is something you don’t like about your relationships, your body, your behaviour...change it.
You just need to have a positive mindset about a way to move forward healthy and smart. Any step forward, no matter how small- is still a step in the right direction. Then once you have the ‘what‘ and the ‘why’ you plan the ‘how’. And you break down that plan until it is simple and you feel you are able to execute it. Next give yourself a deadline- flexible if your personality requires less rigidity - and decide day by day, week by week, etc what you need to do to accomplish your goals.
Designing your life begins with designing your days. Your habits. Your behaviours. It is not something you can change cold turkey over night, but it is something you can change.
Start today, right now. Don’t wait for Monday or January for a fresh start or a new beginning. Babies don’t wait for a special day to be born. They make the day special. They just show up. Like, “Hey! I’m here. Let’s do this!”
If you take this opportunity, this can be your rebirth.
CONCLUSION
Head on over to the group for your worksheets and start designing your life!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/507109346782318/?ref=share
Now is when the real magic happens.
Accumulate everything you have learned so far and start taking control. This is about YOU. About making the most of the days you have been blessed with. Take fate by the throat, stare deep into its metaphorical eyes and say “I got this.”
Stay tuned for next week where we wrap up our journey with ‘We Wellness’.